Because You Loved Me – Chapter 4

Michael surprised me completely on my birthday. It was August 19th, 2002. In the morning, I was awakened by Paris, Prince and Michael with Blanket in his arms. They sang a birthday song for me. It was amazing to see Blanket’s excitement as he clapped hands during the song… Magic moment.

Soon after a great breakfast, I went to my room to get changed.

– Linda, we are going to take a walk. – Michael said as he knocked on the door.

It was about ten o’clock and the day was beautiful. A typical summer day… It seemed that everything was conspiring for that day to be unforgettable.

The ranch was completely decorated. The pool was filled with birthday ballons. Neverland had become a dream! Everything was really wonderful. Only someone like Michael could have thought of something like that. I cried a lot when I saw that he had everything prepared for my birthday.

– For a long time, I didn’t know what being happy felt like, and you showed me that happiness still exists. Thank you, Michael, for all you have done and been in my life – I said, trying to fight back the tears.

– You haven’t seen nothing yet. – He replied with the cutest smile.

He put one arm over my shoulders… Thus he led me through the ranch, showing me all the decoration that had been made.

– Everything will look even more beautiful tonight – he continued, pointing to the amusement park.

I was speechless. I was just looking amazed at everything and wondering if that could really get any better.

– Linda, let’s go. You need to see some things that are inside the house.

When we entered the living room, there were dozens of gift boxes that were not there before when we left the house.

It was funny to see that at least five of those gifts were toys…

– No.. Linda, this one is mine! – he joked as I ripped the package of what looked like one of those water pistols.

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Porque Você Me Amou – Capítulo 4

Michael me surpreendeu completamente no dia do meu aniversário. Era 19 de agosto de 2002. Pela manhã, fui acordada por Paris, Prince e Michael com Blanket no colo. Eles cantaram uma canção de aniversário pra mim. Foi incrível ver a excitação de Blanket ao bater palmas durante a canção… Momento mágico.

Logo após um ótimo café-da-manhã, eu subi para o meu quarto para me trocar.

– Linda, nós vamos dar uma volta. – disse Michael, batendo à porta.

Eram umas dez horas da manhã e o dia estava lindo. Típico dia de verão. Parecia que tudo estava conspirando pra que aquele dia fosse inesquecível.

O rancho estava completamente decorado. A piscina repleta de bolas de aniversário. Neverland havia se tornado um sonho! Tudo estava realmente maravilhoso. Apenas alguém como Michael poderia ter pensado em algo assim. Eu chorei muito quando vi tudo que ele havia preparado.

– Por muito tempo, eu não sabia como era ser feliz e você me mostrou que felicidade ainda existe. Obrigada, Michael, por tudo que você tem feito e sido na minha vida. – disse eu, tentando conter as lágrimas.

– Você não viu nada ainda. – ele respondeu, com o sorriso mais fofo.

Ele colocou um dos braços sobre meus ombros e assim, me conduziu pelo rancho, me mostrando toda a decoração que foi feita.

– Tudo isso aqui ficará ainda mais lindo à noite – ele continuou, enquanto apontava para o parque de diversões.

Eu não tinha palavras. Simplesmente olhava maravilhada pra tudo e imaginava se aquilo realmente podia ficar melhor.

– Ah, Linda. Vamos entrar. Você precisa ver algumas coisas que estão dentro da casa.

Quando entramos na sala de estar, lá estavam dezenas de caixas de presente que não estavam antes quando saímos.

Engraçado foi ver que pelo menos cinco dos presentes eram brinquedos…

– Não… Linda, esse é meu! – brincou ele, enquanto eu rasgava o embrulho do que parecia ser uma daquelas pistolas d’água.

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Because You Loved Me – Chapter 3

I packed my luggage and went to Neverland. I believe that Prince and Paris were as happy as Michael about me going to live there because I always played with them. I used to play with Blanket too, although he was very young back then. He was three months old, to be exact.

I remember one day when we were playing with water balloons and Prince was on Michael’s team while Paris was on mine. We were losing and Paris said: “Mom, come on! We can’t let Daddy win this time.” That was very touching to me. I can not deny that I felt somewhat like I was their mother, after all, I saw them grow up and I had never spent as much time with children as I spent with them. Still, I always made it clear to them that I was just a family friend.

I was having a great time with Michael there. He was definitely the friend that I had always asked for. He was very caring and always concerned about my welfare. For many times, he’d see me crying and he’d call me for a ride at the amusement park to make me feel better. He’d tell me jokes and always made me smile and even forget why I was sad before.

After 3 months that I was living there, I realized that I had demanded too much from Michael. It was time to leave. I could not play the sufferer forever. Michael also had his personal problems, such as the interviews for “Living With Michael Jackson” that were being recorded at that time. I never got to see Martin Bashir because I made an agreement with Michael that every time Martin came, I would go out or I would lock myself in my room. It was the best thing to do. I did not want him to discover that I was there at Neverland, nor did Michael.

In a way, I think that Michael asked me to go to Neverland also to support him because it was when I moved there that the interviews started. He was always down at the end of each interview and I started to notice that he was acting different. It seemed that he was abusing of medications again. I said several times that he should not have accepted to be interviewed, but the pressure on him to open up about his everyday life was huge.

I decided, after Michael’s birthday, I would leave. My birthday was on that month too, so that would be my gift: to enjoy the company of my second family on the day that was so special to me.

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Porque Você Me Amou – Capítulo 3

Eu fiz as minhas malas e fui para Neverland. Creio que Prince e Paris tenham ficado tão felizes quanto Michael em relação à minha ida pra lá pois eu sempre brincava com eles. Eu costumava brincar com Blanket embora ele fosse muito novo naquela época. Ele tinha 3 meses, exatamente.

Lembro-me de uma vez em que estávamos brincando com balões de água e Prince estava no time de Michael enquanto Paris estava no meu. Nós estávamos perdendo e Paris disse: “Mãe! Vamos! A gente não pode deixar que o papai ganhe dessa vez!”. Aquilo foi muito emocionante pra mim. Não posso negar que me sentia um pouco mãe deles, afinal eu os vi crescer e eu nunca tinha passado tanto com crianças como eu passava com todos eles. Ainda sim, eu sempre procurei deixar claro que eu era apenas amiga da família.

Eu tive ótimos momentos com o Michael lá. Ele era definitivamente o amigo que eu pedi à Deus. Ele era muito cuidadoso e estava sempre preocupado com o meu bem-estar. Por muitas vezes, ele me viu chorando e ele me chamava para dar um passeio pelo parque de diversões para que eu me sentisse melhor. Ele me contava piadas e sempre me fazia sorrir e até esquecer o motivo pelo qual eu estava triste antes.

Quando fez 3 meses que eu estava morando lá, eu conclui que eu já havia exigido demais do Michael. Era hora de ir embora. Eu não podia fazer o papel de sofredora pra sempre. E Michael também tinha os problemas pessoais dele, como as gravações de “Living with Michael Jackson” que estavam sendo feitas naquela época. Eu não cheguei a ver Martin Bashir porque eu fiz um acordo com o Michael de que todas as vezes que Martin fosse lá, eu sairia ou me trancaria no meu quarto. Era a melhor coisa a se fazer. Eu não queria que descobrissem que eu estava lá em Neverland.

De certa forma, penso que Michael me chamou pra Neverland também para apoiá-lo porque foi justamente quando eu me mudei pra lá que as entrevistas começaram. Michael ficava abatido no final de cada gravação e eu começei a notar que ele estava agindo diferente. Parecia que ele estava abusando dos remédios novamente. Eu disse por diversas vezes que Michael não deveria ter aceitado isso, mas a pressão sobre ele para que ele se abrisse em relação à vida e o cotidiano dele era enorme.

Eu me decidi, após o aniversário de Michael, eu iria embora. O meu aniversário também era naquele mês então esse seria o meu presente: disfrutar da companhia da minha segunda família em uma data tão especial pra mim.

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Because You Loved Me – Chapter 2

The first months were great, but good things don’t last forever. After a year of marriage, Matthew changed completely. The sweet boy I knew turned into a monster: an arrogant and violent man.

They say it is during difficult times that you learn who your real friends are and the people I thought were my best friends left me… But there was one person who was there for me when I most needed a friend. That person was Michael. We met a few times when I would still attend some social events and he noticed I wasn’t happy. That’s why he wanted to approach me again.

I didn’t want to divorce my husband, but I also couldn’t stand the hell I was living so by Michael’s invitation, I’d spend more hours at Neverland than in my own home… At that time, Michael was preparing “Invincible” and I was helping him with the composition of a few songs and other details.

Michael had changed from what he used to be. He was more fragile, more sensitive… yet he was able to help me with my problems like anyone else.

I’d feel better by simply spending some time with him. Anyone who got to live with Michael knows how much his presence brings a good feeling, something inexplicable.

My husband began to feel threatened… he grew suspicious of my friendship with Michael. I couldn’t understand him because our friendship was as clear as water; Michael always respected me very much. But how to prove to my husband that he had no reason to worry about us?

It was then that the crisis in my marriage really began.

Matthew wasn’t sleeping at home every day… Sometimes he’d get home drunk… I didn’t know what to do. Still, I wasn’t think about divorce. I still loved him, or rather, I felt sorry for him. There was no love. I was sorry for what he became.

Almost a year later, in 2002, Blanket was born. I had no children with my husband so I took care of that baby as if he were mine. Michael said he’d rather not tell me who was his mother; he said I could consider myself his mother.

His birth was the main factor for Neverland to become my second home. I wanted to be with Blanket so much that sometimes, I’d end up sleeping there.

My husband thought I was cheating on him. He slept away from home several times, but obviously his wife couldn’t do the same. And our marriage came to an end.

I was alone and jobless, because during my marriage, I was almost unable to continue my career and even if I could, I guess I wasn’t in my best to do something good enough.

Michael, seeing my concern, offered me help. He told me I should make an album and he assured me he could help me throughout the process. He even offered me help with the composition of the songs… and more, he proposed me to live in Neverland for some time, because according to him, the magic of that place would heal my heart and give me inspiration to compose.

When you’re heartbroken, you have much to say in a song… but when you’re in Neverland, even the sound of birdsong is a source of inspiration.

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Porque Você Me Amou – Capítulo 2

Os primeiros meses foram maravilhosos, mas coisas boas não duram para sempre. Depois de um ano de casamento, Matthew mudou completamente. O rapaz doce que eu conhecia se tornou um monstro: um homem arrogante e violento.

Dizem que é nas horas difíceis que você descobre quem são seus verdadeiros amigos e as pessoas que eu considerava serem meus melhores amigos me abandonaram… Mas houve uma pessoa que esteve do meu lado quando eu mais precisei. Essa pessoa foi Michael. Nós nos encontramos nas poucas vezes que eu ainda ia em algum evento social e ele percebeu que eu não estava feliz, por isso, ele quis se aproximar de mim novamente.

Eu não queria me divorciar do meu marido, mas também não aguentava mais o inferno em que eu estava vivendo, então à convite de Michael, eu passava mais horas em Neverland do que na minha própria casa… Nessa época, Michael estava preparando o álbum “Invincible” e eu estava ajudando ele com a composição das canções e outros detalhes.
Michael havia mudado muito em relação ao que ele era antes. Ele estava mais frágil, mais sensível… mesmo assim, ele era capaz de me ajudar com os meus problemas como ninguém mais.

Eu me sentia melhor simplesmente em passar um tempo com ele. Todos que chegaram a conviver com o Michael sabem o quanto a presença dele traz uma sensação boa, algo inexplicável.

Meu marido começou a se sentir ameaçado… ele começou a suspeitar da nossa amizade. Eu não conseguia entender a opinião dele já que a nossa amizade era clara como a água; Michael sempre me respeitou muito. Mas como provar ao meu marido que ele não tinha motivos pra se preocupar?

Foi aí que a crise do meu casamento começou de verdade.

Matthew não dormia mais em casa todos os dias… às vezes, ele chegava bêbado… Eu não sabia mais o que fazer. Ainda sim, eu não pensava em divórcio. Eu ainda o amava, ou melhor, eu sentia pena dele. Não havia amor. Eu tinha pena do que ele se tornou.

Quase um ano depois, em 2002, Blanket nasceu. Eu não tinha filhos com meu marido então eu passei a cuidar daquele bebê como se fosse meu. Michael dizia que prefiria não me contar quem era a mãe dele; ele disse que eu poderia me considerar a mãe dele. O nascimento dele foi o fator principal para que Neverland se tornasse minha segunda casa. Eu queria tanto estar junto com Blanket que, às vezes, eu acabava dormindo lá.

Meu marido pensou que eu estava traindo ele. Ele dormiu fora de casa por diversas vezes, mas obviamente sua mulher não podia fazer o mesmo. E assim nosso casamento chegou ao fim.

Eu estava sozinha e sem trabalho, pois durante meu casamento, eu praticamente fui impedida de continuar minha carreira e mesmo que eu pudesse, acho que eu não estava no meu melhor pra fazer algo bom o suficiente.

Michael, vendo minha preocupação, ofereceu ajuda. Ele me disse que eu devia preparar um álbum e ele me assegurou que ele me ajudaria em todo o processo. Ele se ofereceu até mesmo para ajudar na composição das canções… e mais, ele propôs que eu morasse um tempo em Neverland, pois segundo ele, a magia daquele lugar curaria meu coração e me daria inspiração para compôr.

Quando você está com o coração partido, você já tem muita coisa para falar em um música… mas quando você está em Neverland, até o som do canto dos pássaros é uma fonte de inpiração.

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Because You Loved Me – Chapter 1

– Look who’s here to see you, sweetheart!

I remember that day very well… I was only 8 years old. I was in my bedroom playing with some dolls and teddy bears. When I heard my dad calling me, I grabbed one of my dolls and ran to the living room.

I stepped in the living room and, surprised, I left my doll fall to the floor.

– Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! I can’t… It can’t be… It’s… It’s… Daddy, it’s Michael Jackson! – I said as I ran towards Michael.

He sat me on his lap and hugged me…

– Nice to meet you, Lana. Your father told me that you love me, is it true?

– Yes, yes… I love you this much… – I said as I showed him with my hands the ‘size’ of my love.

I stayed there with him until he had to leave. He promised me he would come back to see me and I couldn’t contain my happiness. I was very young but I was a fan of his since I was born. I remember when I watched the music video for “Thriller” when it was televised for the first time.

My father was a music producer and he met Michael in the studio where he was recording “We Are The World”, since then, they became friends. Consequently, I grew up being Michael’s friend and thanks to him, I still feel like a child… He gave me the best memories of my childhood: those wars of water balloons during the afternoon, the rides in the amusement park..

Michael was everything to me: my second father, the brother I didn’t have, the friend for all hours, my haven.

Michael was way older than me, 19 years to be exact, but I always felt comfortable around him, because he really was like a child.

I always tried to be half the friend that he was to me. I was always there for him… even during those allegations in 1993. Back then, many of my friends, who used to go to Neverland with me, stopped going there.

But there was a time when I wasn’t there, or rather, I was kept away from Michael. It was during his marriage to Lisa, in 1994. He never admitted but, for some reason, Lisa didn’t like me. I was jealous… Michael wasn’t giving me as much attention as he used to. I was 17 years old… it was time to live the rest of my teenage years… far away from the Michael Jackson world. After some tome, Michael divorced and then married to Debbie, so I started going to Neverland again, especially after Prince and Paris were born… but my friendship with Michael wasn’t the same. As the time went by, Michael was just a professional friend. Music was in my blood and I couldn’t follow a different path.

When I turned 20, I had an important name in the music field, by my own merit. At that time, I used to see Michael only at awards and musical events and it was good for me. I got to know a whole different world and met new friends… that’s when I met my first boyfriend. He wasn’t famous.. he was an instrumentalist who worked with my father and it was through my father that we met. His name was Matthew. He was a very special guy and that’s why our friendship turned into love. He treated me as a normal person and not as Lana Thompson, the daughter of the music producer Ed Thompson.

Two years later, in 1999, we got married.

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